It’s been a long time since I’ve had some alone time at home. I thought I was going to go crazy.
Last summer, after having lost three people in my life to suicide, I decided to get a job at the craft store near my home. My idea was that a job would be a good distraction from some of the grief I was experiencing at the time. To that end, it did work. I replaced grief with rage.
I started working in mid-August, first as a part-timer, then in December, I regrettably switched to full-time. Logically, I completely burned out. To be honest though, I think I burned out sometime in October. I just happened to take a lot of time off in November because I got really sick. Anyway, let’s just say retail work is not for me.
I gave notice on Monday and the 31st will be my last day. Working at the craft store really gave me the insight I needed into how I should really be spending my time. I went into this job with the mind-set that it would be fun to interact with people again, like the general public. I also saw it as an opportunity to meet new people, creative people, maybe make new friends. And to learn all about jewelry and beading. Though I did meet some interesting folks, I’m not sure about the friendship part. And as for the general public, I can honestly say that I don’t think customer service is my forte. Deep down I’m just a sensitive, introverted artist who would prefer to be alone in her studio than out there dealing with people.
With my husband’s support I’m going to be dedicating my time to painting and art. Until I’m ready to go back to Graphic Design school. The reality is that no matter what job I am doing, my heart and mind are at my easel. I will take sick days from work to stay home and paint. I was supposed to be doing this years ago when I first left the Design program, but so much stuff had just happened to us as a family and I was still processing it. I was in a daze. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t make friends in school. I felt my work was mediocre, I was still drinking quite a bit and not very focused. Now that I’ve had a taste of the outside world, I think I’m ready. I already have a show lined up for April. I’ll be showing my roosters at a small coffee shop near my work. It’s a hippie hang out, esoteric bookstore, they have open mic poetry and live music. Also tarot card readings. My kind of place.
I’ve already started several paintings, and I’ve switched to using acrylic instead of oil. It’s not as dramatic, but it saves time. I’m very excited about showing my work. I also really want to sell because if this is going to be my full time job, it also has to be sustainable. I believe this series will do well. I mean, who doesn’t love a big cock?